Mew Mew Roulette!
by Funhouse
Summary: Extremely weird story. Plot has no extistance in this story. PG13 for language.


Mew Mew Roulette!

Chapter 1:Shopping Spree Extravaganza!

"This word is full of endangered species which are...-" "Not now Keiichiro! Stick to what I originally wrote,stupid!" "Fine!" "...God. Authors are so picky." "I heard that!" "Aw,crap."

"Whatever! Seems like I, the author, will have to explain!" Keiichiro gave a sigh. "Whatever." "Now! This is a whole NEW story from me,Maria! It has all the Mew Mews from my other story ...only in a much more whacky adventure! This is completely different than Mew Mew Advanced Mode. Don't try to compare the two!" Ryou then crossed his arms. "Ayi! I shall now stop wasting your time and let you read this story!" Keiichiro then started waving flags with Ryou's face on them. "Oh of COURSE. Root for the one giving mean faces!" Ryou shook his head. "Well, at least she's gone." "Yeah." Keiichiro nodded his head. "What do we do now?" Ryou gave his friend a look. "TEA PARTY!" Keiichiro held pink tea cups. "Alright!" Ryou reached for a cup.

She floated on the ground and tilted her head. She had a rough time on the ship and was kicked out. "Stupid aliens! Just because I didn't get the chocolate pudding they kick me out!" She dusted off some dirt. "Who needs them anyway? One is a midget...the other is too love sick and I can't describe the other." She walked towards the nearby town. "This place looks promising..." She grinned.

"Okay Ryou. According to Maria's script...your supposed to start fiddling around with the DNA thing..." Keiichiro flipped through a red book. "Really? Do we have time for another cup of tea?" "We have time for something even better!" Keiichiro turned off the light and rainbow neon lights flashed on. Now. Imagine Keiichiro and Ryou dancing to the macarena with a hint of disco. Oh yes. "Okay Ryou. Let's do this before the author kills us." (For a split second the author could be seen holding a meat cleaver, eyes glowing red and grinning evilly.) "Yeah!" Ryou turned on the machine and pressed a button. "Mew project ...start!" Keiichiro gave a look. "Does start really work? What about commence or begin?" Ryou shoved the script in Keiichiro's face. "It says start here!" Keiichiro backed off. "O-of course!" Ryou turned back to the computer. "Ooo! I got someone!"

Metellus was about to enter a store when all of a sudden the earth began to shake. "Oh no! Earthquake! ...That wasn't made by me damn it!" Metellus dropped to the ground. "It's the end of the world! The end of the woooooorld!" She rolled up and down the sidewalk. She then felt something enter her body. "EEYOW! Parasites! Parasites!" She jumped up and ran around screaming. Before she could react a white owl flew into her chest. "Oh jesus! What the fuck!" Metellus gasped,wide-eyed. "Some bird flew into my body! That's just odd!" She shook her head and picked up her bag. "Alright! Time to find a place to live!" She lifted her fist and gave a look of determination. "TO CENTURY 21!" She cried and walked forward.

(Some insurance crap later...)

Metellus dropped her bags. "This is ...SO COOL!" She giggled and examined every inch of her new place. "I'm so going to love it on Earth!" "Excuse me?" "Nothing!"

"Look at this Ryou!" Keiichiro pointed to the computer screen. "No Keiichiro. I won't look at any more of your odd porn." Keiichiro face falled. "No,baka! I found the Mew that you just injected!" Keiichiro grumbled. "Oh!" Ryou laughed. "Metellus? Seems to be one of those aliens." Ryou shrugged. "Yeah. Seems like they kicked her out." The two boys looked at each other. "..." Then they just laughed. "Oooohhhiiiiiooooo!" Masha rolled across the "screen". "Dude man, that fluff ball gotz skillz!" Keiichiro did some "gangster" moves. Ryou fell over.

"How cute! Such a neat-o place!" Metellus skipped around her new home. "I'm so going to adore Earth! ...It's got junk food!" She grinned. "Now to get money to get stuff." Awhile later Metellus was walking the streets. "Off to get some money...off to get some money..." She sang as she skipped to the ATM machine. "Hello Mr. ATM!" She grinned and clicked some buttons. "Hello there customer! Enter alienoid code!" More buttons pressed. "Welcome back Metellus! How may I serve?" The ATM spoke. "I'd like a order of #5 with a side order of #2." Metellus giggled. "Oh! Change it to Earth currency also!" The ATM whirred and buzzed and then 100 popped out. "Thank you!" She laughed. "Your welcome and hope to see you again!" The ATM then went back to normal. "Okay. I gots money,no job and a house. ...Life rocks!" She grinned.

"Alright y'all! Time for a little intermission!" Keiichiro ran around the computer room. "BLAAAAGGGHHH!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "Evil pink monkies! Pink monkies! Yellow sea shells!" (Time for the the author to come in. Cha-ching!) "AGH! The author!" Ryou pointed. "YES. It is I, the author! AGAIN." (cue in lightning and scary music.) "What are you doing here!" Ryou asked. "To see what the hell is up with Keiichiro. He shouldn't be screaming. HE SHOULD BE DOING MY LAUNDRY." Ryou gave a look of disgust. "Yes! That shall be your punishment for not following orders!" ( time for the author to leave. Bling bling!) "God. She is going to be the death of me." Ryou sighed. "Heard that!" "Agh!" Ryou fell forward.

Okay, back to the story...Metellus sat on a bench. Something awfully weird has been going on. She was getting better at things like gymnastics and when she jumped people said it seemed as if she were flying. "Oh. Odd." She thought aloud. "First a own jumps into my body...now people say I'm flying?" She had on such a clue-less face. "Hmmm...I wonder..." She said and then climbed to the roof of the palce she lived. "Alright!" Metellus charged and ran. "Hyaaaa!" She yelled and jumped. "C'mooooooon!" She flapped her arms. "Fly! Fly!" She cried. Nothing, of course, happened. "Yheeeeee!" She screeched as she fell to the ground.

She never landed.

Metellus opened her eyes and realized she was in someones arms. "Oh? What?" She looked up. "Are you okay, miss? What happened!" The guy holding her had red hair and green eyes. He was also kinda' cute. Metellus's face went red. "I-I'm fine! Nothing happened! Absolutely nothing!" She laughed. She quickly got out of his arms still laughing. "But. You fell from the sky!" The guy pointed upwards. "Ahahaha! Really! I -er- know!" Metellus was getting really nervous now. She then bowed a few times. "So sorry! So sorry!" She yelled and rushed off. The young man laughed and shook his head, giving off a smirk. "Well crap. Looks like I can't fly. Stupid thoughts." She grumbled. "I SWEAR MY THOUGHTS ARE CONTROLLING MY THOUGHTS!" She yelled loudly and got a few stares. "Hmmph!" She pouted. "Hey miss!" The male from before called. Metellus turned. '...? What does he want? Does he want to ask me out?' She shook her head and gave a silly grin. "You dropped this." He smiled. Metellus froze. "Oh." She sighed. "Thank you!" She took the item. "What is your name?" He asked. She shyly smiled. "Metellus." "Ah." He nodded. "Oh. I forgot to ask..." Metellus grinned and was wide-eyes. This was it! He was going to ask the big question! The one question that could determine anything! The one question- "Are those your real ears?" Metellus face faulted. "Why yes! They are!" She got up. "How cute! See you around then!" He waved and walked away. "What's your name!" Metellus asked. "Jomei!" He was out of site.

Ryou tapped at some keys. "I sense some irregular activity down town." Keiichiro took a look. "Yes. I see it too. Those kids should really be with their mothers!" Ryou slapped his face. "No! Someone's about to attack!" He gave a dramatic gasp. "Oh no!" Keiichiro gasped. (dun dun dun could be heard here.) "Let's get this Mew Mew to transform!" Keiichiro gave a triumphic pose. Ryou blinked. "That ain't some ...battle cry is it?"

Metellus skipped. She knew her hero's name. How delightful! Something inside of was telling her that something was up. "Oh Metellus! Something is going on! Check it out! Check it out!" "OKAY!" She screamed getting her more looks. Following the direction of her thoughts she came to a clearing. It was a big clearing, full of grass and trees. "Oh! How nice! Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

Boy, was she wrong.

Suddenly...a huge rat appeared! Metellus looked around. "I saaaid...suddenly a huge rat apears!" Metellus shook her head. "God damn it! Get the under study!" 2 white coated men dragged in a huge rat with scary looking eyes and foam at its mouth. "Err...Maria...are you sure this is a good idea? Can't we wait for the real rat?" "NO! Now go back!" Metellus sighed and walked back. "Ready...set...ACTION!" Suddenly, a huge rat appeared! The rat was grey with long sharp teeth. It had on a red jewel-looking thing on its forehead. "AGGGH!" Metellus screamed and fell backwards. "Roooarr!" The rat screeched and went to attack. "!" She felt herself lift into the air. "Oh no! The rat got me! I'm now stuck on its nail ready to be it's next meal! Oh my! Oh woe is me!" Metellus cried. It took her a few moments to realize that someone standing infront of her. "Hm?" The was blonde with blue slant eyes. He seemed to be wearing a vest of some sort and a white shirt and jeans. "S'ok?" He looked at her. "Uh. Yeah." Metellus brushed some hair away. "I'm just going to get to the point. See that? Fight it and defeat it." Metellus opened up her mouth and gave a yell. "WHAT!" She looked at the rat again. "Fight that? Are you nuts!" She yelled angerly. "No. I'm Ryou." He then pushed Metellus to the rat. "Go Mew Cookie Dough!" Metellus fell to her knees. "Mew Cookie Dough? Are you on crack!" "No!" Ryou pouted. "Take this!" Ryou threw an item at her. "Huh? ...HEY! This is mine!" Metellus was pissed. She walked up to Ryou and hit him. "How did you get this item!" Ryou held his face. "Shut the hell up and transform!" Ryou screamed. "FINE!" Metellus screamed back. She took two deep breaths. "Alright." She lifted the item. (Which was a anklet.) "Mew Mew Cookie Dough! Metamorphoosis!" Metellus was wrapped in blue light. Ryou was pleased. Metellus felt herself change. A moment later she fell softly on her feet in a whole new outfit. "WOW!" She giggled. Her outfit was now a tube top and short skirt. Those were white with black dots. Black and gold jewels adorned the top and skirt. Black ribbons were attached to the back of her skirt. Feathers were at the bottom of the ribbons. Her boots were white and had zippers in random places along with her gloves. Black (big) ball pony-tail holders replaces her goldish ones.

"Such an awesome outfit! I love it!" She looked at herself. "Can you fight the damn enemy now?" Ryou yelled. "Give me a minute! I'm flattering myself!" Ryou fell forward. "Why did this girl get injected? She's beyond stupid!" "Beyond ...WHAT!" Metellus rose above Ryou, eyes aflame. She lifted a bat and began to smack Ryou. "DON'T CALL ME STUPID!" She continued to smacking. "Ow! Ow! OKAY! OW!" Ryou held his head. "I've gotta' stop getting these girls angry..." He crawled away. "Okay! Time to fight!" Metellus ran to the huge rat. "Okay Mister! Go home or get killed!" (Author sighs. "How stupid was that line 'eh?") The rat roared and lunged at Metellus. She jumped away. She put her hand out and a blue light formed. The light then took the form of a staff. "Ooo!" Metellus landed on the ground. "How sweet! I could kill with this thing!" She laughed. Ryou's eye twitched. "I wonder what it does..."

Then Metellus lifted the staff in the air. Light blue ribbons of light formed around it. "Dough...!"She twirled the staff two times in each hand and lifted it. "...Star Strike!" She brought the staff down and in a explosion of light, the ribbons formed around the rat making it explode. "Yes!" Ryou grinned. "You did it! How cool! Now...if you could do that every time..." He noticed that Metellus wasn't listening. "Uh..." She sniffed. "I can't believe I ...KILLED A POOR INNOCENT RAT!" She cried loudly. "Ack!" Ryou fell. "It's okay! The rat's fine!" Ryou patted her shoulder. "'Kay. ...LET'S GET SOME VICTORY DINNER!" she ran forward. "She's never going to get it..." Ryou followed.

END CHAPTER ONE.

Upcoming Chapter: Bear Hugs! 


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